Hopeless Fanatic

You have no idea how hard it is to stop at that. Not to add anything else. To keep it just, just jobs or whatever. To not once raise a finger to defend myself or talk myself up. Or ask how you are. Or to make any, and I mean any, small talk. It’s very, very hard. And it’s noticeable that I don’t do that. I hope that the fact that I am putting effort into this, and not saying anything else, says something. I say I don’t play games, this clearly is one. A stupid one. But whatever. It’s not a game to be a game. It’s not meant to gain some stupid advantage. I just hope that some things I wish I could say are intimated by what happens to be going on here. Because I can’t handle this. I am, but I can’t. I don’t know how. It’s awful.