Hopeless Fanatic

…

i don’t know if it’s me sleeping on a crappy bed for 10 days, or how i slept on that bed, or that i did all this after driving across the country and sleeping on couches, or what. but i feel freaking awful. my abs are killing me. and my mid back, it’s awful. yesterday i had the start of a fever, and just ached everywhere. and last night, i was shivering - definitly getting sick. but i put on a hoody and socks, and i feel fine in that area this morning. but i still ache. ugh, i don’t know what i did. i have a bad cut on my foot from the hot springs, i was kind of worried that maybe i caught something that way, but i really don’t think so. i think it was just lack of good sleep and maybe not wearing the right clothes in the rain, combined with not eating well and going hard most days. no idea, but seriously it totally sucks, i haven’t felt like this in a long time.

my segment got cut by nbc. which, it’s not that big of a deal. i just shouldn’t have told people. i don’t think they believe i made it up, but it still sucks. this is why people never tell others when they apply for a job, or get an interview, or whatever. i try and never act that way. but i might now. it sucks, because lewis, one of the broadcasters, told me last night they were going to show it once, and then “take another look” at my form and everything. i would have looked like an idiot hahaha, but i mean i still won. it would have been really cool. and it’s like, i was this close to something cool, and it didn’t work. that seems to happen a lot. but i’m at the trials and did beat dan, so it’s hard to complain and not look stupid. i’m just not satisfied with it. i dunno.

last night kind of sucked. not going to talk about it, but it just reconfirms what i think about some things.

hopefully we are getting good breakfast today.

i really need to lose weight. i feel and look fat in some photos, i hate that. i need to start running again. if i follow my plan, which isn’t too high mileage, i’ll be ok. it’s funny, i was discussing it w someone, a runner, and they’re like ‘oh yeah, that’s great. it’s about what i’m doing now. x miles per week…’ and the x miles they listed was at least 20% more than the plan i just described. it’s a rolling schedule, but i average 14-15 miles per week. he thought it was around 20-25. no, i have no desire to run that much. i don’t run to “get faster” and no i don’t think running is fun. i don’t even think it’s really that good for you, it’s just the easiest thing to do - there aren’t enough bike areas and i don’t have a pool handy. i just need something to do, consistently. 

i got some sperry’s. boat shoes. i hope i like them. i need something better than a sandal to wear all the time.