…
At some point in my life, I decided that if I cared about something enough to worry about it, I’d always make sure I did it right. I’d do it right the first time and I’d keep it that way. And I also decided that doing it right usually means putting the burden on myself, always putting myself in the more difficult position. I make my life harder on myself that it needs to be sometimes because I, for some reason, think that means I’m taking better care of others. I know that’s not correct in some cases. But I still like that and its still important to me. I’ll never take the easy way if I really care about it. I think life is hard and find it to be very complicated. I hate making mistakes and I hate the idea that I have drastically messed some things up. It makes me sick. But I never regret having the attitude I do. I’ll never do something to get myself an advantage at another’s expense. I won’t play fucking games. And I kind of dislike the idea that making it harder on myself is something that people are disappointed by. I’m certainly not. Yeah, it sucks. But I meant it to be easier for someone else is all. I’m an idiot. But… whatever. Its hard for me. That’s all I can say.
